One Woman's Story

Honestly Cheryll, it broke my heart when I read of the sizes required for the Blankets Of Love. It stirred up old memories of what I went through at the time of the loss of my baby. I will tell you my story....it is not just about me...but the loss of all the babies....& the pain it brings to the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters......

I was nineteen....it was my first marriage....I learnt he was an abusive alcoholic....I became pregnant & then at four months I started to bleed. I went to the doctor... her words to me were ... I was miscarrying & to go home to bed....on the way home I stopped at my church......I prayed all would be well .......... it wasn't.

I went to bed with towels packed around me & I stayed like that until the next day. About two o'clock the phone rang...I got up to answer it......before I got to the phone I lost the afterbirth......but still had the baby....the phone stopped......so I rang an ambulance & went back to bed. We lived in an apartment on the sixth floor......I had deadlocked the door & the ambulance men could not open the door.....I crawled to the door & managed to open it.....the stretcher could not fit in the lift & I will never forget the ambo driver who carried me down six flights of stairs to the ambulance......everything was a blur....until I woke up the next day in hospital....in a huge room with all the mothers & their babies......

I was not bathed.......still had the blood on my legs....two close friends came & asked what I needed...I said take me home. I cried for a very long-time..........because of the blood loss ......I was weak & could not walk. I signed myself out of the hospital ...my friend’s husband carried me to the car...back to the apartment....my ex husband was nowhere to be found.

My girl friend bathed me...cleaned up the bedding & looked after me.....grieving was hard. I could not look at other babies, toddlers let alone hold them....as my brother had his son around that time. Because of the abused I received I would not have another child....because I could not have him treat the baby the way he treated me. The marriage lasted six years.

Thanks to the love and help of my father, I lived......believe me.....one morning I was waiting for the train and took a step towards it....it was the thought of the pain I would cause to my parents that made me step back.

When I met my beautiful husband & had the courage to have our baby girl... that was traumatic within itself...but well worth it in the end.  I had misgivings Cheryll with the words I wrote here.....it struck a raw nerve I guess...as I have always wondered about by baby....a boy or a girl...if the fetus was malformed or beautiful....as I said something that never leaves you...

As I sit & write I have tears pouring down my face.....but as I said you have given me an outlet for my grief... making these blankets of love. 

If you can use my words to comfort others, you have my blessing... 
Hugs L

These are the beautiful blankets my friend has made & donated.